caitlinjoe

So I haven't done this in a while and quite a bit has happened.

Moved into 909 for the summer and so far it has been fun and eventful. I really love everyone I've met over here. It's so nice to meet so many cool people all in one place. I don't think I could have asked for any better even though I feel a little out of place sometimes. I'm going to miss living here when I have to move back into the dorms. . .lame, but it's money and it'll allow me to put off getting a car for longer.

Living here has made me realize how different I am from most people I meet...people my age, at least. I've always felt a little . . .mature for my age and many people have told me that I carry myself much differently than other people in my "stage in life" but I think it's become even more apparent now. Not that there's anything to really do with this realization, but I guess it's just another thing to make note of.

I've also realized that even though there are a lot of things I do with my free time, it makes me. . .uncomfortable having free time. It's probably the same reason I can't sleep past 8:30. . .there's no time to waste. But having this time has allowed my creativity to be cultivated, which is what I've really needed for a long time.

Anyway, this is kind of pointless so I'll find a pretty picture and be done with it.

Yes, chipper, am I. Haven't done any work all weekend, and it's been glorious. it will prolly kick me in the ass later, but at this point I don't so much give a rat's a.

I AM, however, very excited about the prospect of our vegetarian/vegan club next semester. It's pretty much gonna be bomb...and I rarely say that things are bomb, but I think this merits it.

Pandas are vegetarians...

Mood: pathetic

The hardest part is not letting people know how insecure I really am, at times. I know that everyone feels this way every once in a while, or so they say...but I can't seem to meet my own demands.

I've been told that I think too much and I think it's probably true. I'm too ....romantic. Lots of times my thoughts are not realistic or grounded, but rather seem adolescent and theatrical. I think this is one of the biggest contributors to my times of despair- I get wrapped up in what I hope for, in the fantasy, and then i'm depressed when I find out that reality is much less than what I made it out to be. But my ability to think creatively and romantically is also one of the things that I like about myself the most...

sometimes I wish someone else could read my thoughts and tell me that I'm not crazy...and that maybe my fantasy is a potential reality.

OK, why do we even have escalators? random thought, I know, but if you stop to think about it, the world would probably be a better place without them....we'd save energy and help the environment by getting rid of them and less people would be morbidly obese by taking the stairs that are built right next to them.

Escalators...another downfall of humanity.

"being alone can be quite romantic"


Laying under trees is my favorite.



I'm much better today.

I am so depressed by school. I think that means it's time to quit and move to the mountains and become that woman from Prodigal Summer whose only job is to walk around the woods and observe the woodland creatures...

This amount of stress is not healthy for the following reasons:
1) stress= no time to exercise...or at least not enough.

2) makes me want to eat, but since I'm sitting at my computer feeling my ass grow I don't want to eat, which just perpetuates the love-hate relationship I have with food.

3) my relationships suffer- Everyone is busy, but since I've found that I'm usually the one make time for my friends when they won't do the same, then we just don't ever get together. Not to mention that I have absolutely no time for starting a new relationship...not that I necessarily want to nor do I even have anyone that has shown interest, but sometimes it helps with the whole self-esteem part...the affirmation is nice.

4) #3 leads to #4 because when I do finally have time to do something other than school, I have no friends and I realize how lonely I am.

the worst part of it all is that I am to blame for the whole of it.

I saw a bird tonight that confused me. I was on my way to get water from the water machine-thingy and this little bird was sitting in the dark up against the cement wall of the building looking at me over his/her back pretending like it wasn't there. Why would this bird not be up in the tree?...they smell really good right now with the citrus trees blossoming. Silly bird.

I'm off to the mountains to go hiking and camping with my dear Julianne and one of her friends. Just what I need.



Arizona's finally growing on me.

When I first moved here, I laughed at the notion that there were mountains here and then I hiked Camelback Mountain all the way to the top and was humbled- 92 degree heat, slippery dirt, and a portion of the hike that has a non-optional railing. . . if don't hold onto it you'll fall to an awful death, but the metal is so hot in day time that you only have seconds to hold on before you need to move your hand so it doesn't melt to the thing.

Anyway, the desert landscape is growing on me and I love the quality of light here. The contrast between sun and shade and the shadows made by the graphic desert plants with their straight lines and thick skin.





I'm also discovering that there's a developing subculture in the Phoenix area and I'm glad to be a part of it. That's one of the things that I love most about Boulder- the laid back people, but I'm realizing that I can find it here. ...I just have to know where to look.

Creepy. Thats why.

Last night was the first night in a month I was able to get more than 5-6 hours of sleep. it was glorious.

I've been doing a lot of looking lately. Looking at books, looking at trees, looking back. I learn valuable things from each of these activities. Looking at books (which encompasses school work, in general, which has been pretty much my entire life lately) while important and enjoyable, has been exhausting lately, and I've decided that I don't actually like being busy. . .ok, well I do like being busy, but not to the extent that I can't find 10 minutes to lay under a tree and just look up at the sky, or to let the sun wake me up in the morning, rather than two alarms rudely waking me so early that it's still dark outside. I lie to myself when I say that I HAVE to do this much all at once. . .I do enjoy being involved in a lot of things at once, but only if those things are well-rounded and represent different pieces of my passions. Right now there is too much science and not enough art....too much text and not enough words...too much memorization and not enough learning...not enough pondering.

For these reasons, my Spring Break will consist of pondering, playing guitar, napping, sitting in the sun, reading things that I WANT to, reflecting, and what ever else consists of nothing but means everything.

I'm severely creeped out right now.  Melissa found this picture on the internet of a silicone sculpture of a "human animal hybrid" . . . .google it.  It's pretty f-in creepy.